Maybe the title sounds a bit strange. But this Ray Charles song is one of my all time favorites. Till now I never actually really listened to the lyrics, I have to confess. But after listening to it last night, it struck me that this song could go about me and my girlfriend. It is all about thrust, confidence in each other and supporting and loving each other. Maybe even about the lack of it all in a relationship. Depending from which angle you look towards it.
Talking on the phone last night with my girlfriend and hearing her say that she has lost confidence in my actions and willingness to fight for my job and overcoming my health karma, really hurted me. It wasn't the first time she said this. That was the most hurtful. Like I was giving up the fight instead of fighting on the battle. I know how difficult it is when you are not able to be with the person you love because of distance and cultural differences. But it doesn't mean that I'm the only one who has to fight and show proof. Yes, I want to marry and settle down also with her. This doesn't mean that I have to do everything on my own. I'm still true to the goals we both set on February 11th 2007. But this also means that she has to set things in motion to come back to the Netherlands and not to wait till my problems are solved or till I show actual proof of a big victory. I already made some small victory and I'm sure that I'm on the break of a major victory.
After 2 years of combating severe migraine attacks, which often make it impossible for me to work, I finally found a professor who made a spectacular research break through in the research and treatment of migraine. This professor, who works at the Leiden University Medical Center, is my last hope for treatment through regular medical treatment. Downside is that I might be due for an appointment in November of this year. In the meantime I can only do daimoku and try to work as much as possible in between migraine attacks.
Another personal small victory for me is the fact that I allowed to go to the European Study Center at Trets, France of SGI Europe again. That I can go to Trets as a Keibi(protector of the Gohonzon at centers and the members there)is for me a strong sign that there will be a big victory soon and that I can challenge my karma to expatiate soon through extra strong daimoku. This happened every time when I went to the Trets center. So I'm confident that I will win no matter what and that my girlfriend and me are together again soon.
I know my girlfriend does send me a lot of daimoku. I can tell. She also keeps on sending me encouragement. Even while she says she lost confidence in me and she doesn't care or doesn't mind anymore. Still I can tell she does care and mind and that she deep in her heart wants to be with me and does love me. But I guess that it is sometimes easier to deny that to have to admit.
André
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Monday, August 3, 2009
I'm leaving on a jet plane
Well, after a long period of not writing, I finally have the time again to do so.
Today some 40 members of SGI Netherlands left from Eindhoven Airport to Marseille Airport (France), to go for the Dutch summercourse of SGI Netherlands at the Institute European du SGI (IESGI)center at Trets, France. I went to Eindhoven Airport to see them off.
Although most of them I knew, I saw also some new faces. One of the members, who will be a Byakuren (hostess) at this course,told me she would fly from Eindhoven Airport. There where members from Rotterdam, Den Bosch, Tilburg, Breda, Amsterdam(!) and Eindhoven.
I wish all memers who went for the Trets course this year a great and fun week and a save flight from and to Marseille!
André
Today some 40 members of SGI Netherlands left from Eindhoven Airport to Marseille Airport (France), to go for the Dutch summercourse of SGI Netherlands at the Institute European du SGI (IESGI)center at Trets, France. I went to Eindhoven Airport to see them off.
Although most of them I knew, I saw also some new faces. One of the members, who will be a Byakuren (hostess) at this course,told me she would fly from Eindhoven Airport. There where members from Rotterdam, Den Bosch, Tilburg, Breda, Amsterdam(!) and Eindhoven.
I wish all memers who went for the Trets course this year a great and fun week and a save flight from and to Marseille!
André
Friday, April 24, 2009
Discontinueing of my website Itai-Doshin.net
To all my readers and visitors of my blog en website.
After running for some years an own website to promote Kosen Rufu (world peace)and doing a lot of chanting for it of what to do with it, I have decided to not continue my website Itai-Doshin.net.
I hear you think right now, why? Well, the main factor of my decision was the time it took to maintain it, the low visit rate and the fact that maintaining a blog to share experiences with Nichiren Buddhism was more easily. Also a blog is more easy to find and has a lower threshold then a website. Most reactions I've got came trough my blog anyway so why would I then continue the website?
Greetings,
André
After running for some years an own website to promote Kosen Rufu (world peace)and doing a lot of chanting for it of what to do with it, I have decided to not continue my website Itai-Doshin.net.
I hear you think right now, why? Well, the main factor of my decision was the time it took to maintain it, the low visit rate and the fact that maintaining a blog to share experiences with Nichiren Buddhism was more easily. Also a blog is more easy to find and has a lower threshold then a website. Most reactions I've got came trough my blog anyway so why would I then continue the website?
Greetings,
André
Friday, February 6, 2009
Instant karma is gonna get you
For those who already read my last blog entry of Wednesday February 4th 2009.
Many of you read my blog often and already know that I NEVER intended to hurt others. The only reason I wrote this blog was, that it was a very negative experience and that I had the feeling that this also happens to other members.
Anyhow, on this blogpage are many personal experiences of me, both good and bad ones. I only write and publicize them as an encouragment and as a way of expressing myself. Let me state it clear to you all, the last blog entry wasn't meant as a complaint but merely an expression of how I felt about it. This also means that, since the Netherands has freedom of speech, if i want to, I can write over whatever I want. Even if this means writing over my own feelings, worries and what's bordering me. So from time to time there are some negative experiences on this blog and from time to time there are positive experiences on this blog as well. It's just a representational of my life. Nothing more and nothing less.
Still if feel sorry for those who feel offended by what I wrote in my last blog.
André
Many of you read my blog often and already know that I NEVER intended to hurt others. The only reason I wrote this blog was, that it was a very negative experience and that I had the feeling that this also happens to other members.
Anyhow, on this blogpage are many personal experiences of me, both good and bad ones. I only write and publicize them as an encouragment and as a way of expressing myself. Let me state it clear to you all, the last blog entry wasn't meant as a complaint but merely an expression of how I felt about it. This also means that, since the Netherands has freedom of speech, if i want to, I can write over whatever I want. Even if this means writing over my own feelings, worries and what's bordering me. So from time to time there are some negative experiences on this blog and from time to time there are positive experiences on this blog as well. It's just a representational of my life. Nothing more and nothing less.
Still if feel sorry for those who feel offended by what I wrote in my last blog.
André
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
When we don't talk.
Last night I got a telephone call from my regional leader of SGI. He called me because he was informed that there could be a problem between me and one of my members and he wanted to know what this problem was.
After telling me what came to his ear, I told him that my intentions where misunderstood by this member and that it never was my intention to feel this person uneasy by what I said or done. That my intentions where pure and that I never would harass anybody. After having said this to him, he told me that certain "stories" where circulating about me. Of course he never mentioned which stories these are.
I know which sort of stories are circulating about me, let me very clear about these stories, most if not all, aren't true or just from hear say. This also means that these stories going to lead their own life! Let me also clear about the following, being confronted with these stories through means of a third or fourth person who doesn't know exactly what or when is plain slander and an act of a coward!
Rather then acting this way, it would be better to have a dialogue with me in person between the person who has a problem with the way I am and me. I don't mind having a third person present as a sort of mediator. It is far better in this way than when you have to hear and being told not to have contact by a more senior leader! The chance that you find a satisfactory solution for both parties involved is far better then getting told to not contact the other party except for official SGI business.
Knowing by experience that chanting together to overcome a mutual problem or problems and sorting them out together works far better then bypass the other and let someone else clean up the mess. It also is better to talk directly towards each other (with or without a mediator) just to prevent misunderstanding and miscommunication. Otherwise you'll get the problem of hear say because you tell your story to one person, this person tells another person who has to tell you what is being said. Chance is big that by the time you get the message, this message is distorted and not the correct representation of what is actually being told. The effect is: getting even more angry with each other and eventually ending up hating and disliking each other and mutual hurt.
When I got home I, after this phone call, I sat down in front of the Gohonzon and chanted for more then 1 hour. Just to trying to get rid of my anger and hurt. Also I tried to understand why this person acted like this by not even being clear to me or trying to talk to me directly, avoiding unnecessary hurt, anger, pain and gossip and thus slandering. The only thing I ever wanted was friendship, not a relationship! Having already a very sweet (Indian) girlfriend, the last thing I want is to betray this girl! Also trying to encouraging this member and showing that I will be there if needed, together with WD seniors if necessary, was the only thing I tried to do. It was never my intention to being alone with this member.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being friends outside the organization while being also members of the same organization and practicing within the same organization together. I think that going out for a drink outside an official activity and socializing never hurts.
NMHRK
André
After telling me what came to his ear, I told him that my intentions where misunderstood by this member and that it never was my intention to feel this person uneasy by what I said or done. That my intentions where pure and that I never would harass anybody. After having said this to him, he told me that certain "stories" where circulating about me. Of course he never mentioned which stories these are.
I know which sort of stories are circulating about me, let me very clear about these stories, most if not all, aren't true or just from hear say. This also means that these stories going to lead their own life! Let me also clear about the following, being confronted with these stories through means of a third or fourth person who doesn't know exactly what or when is plain slander and an act of a coward!
Rather then acting this way, it would be better to have a dialogue with me in person between the person who has a problem with the way I am and me. I don't mind having a third person present as a sort of mediator. It is far better in this way than when you have to hear and being told not to have contact by a more senior leader! The chance that you find a satisfactory solution for both parties involved is far better then getting told to not contact the other party except for official SGI business.
Knowing by experience that chanting together to overcome a mutual problem or problems and sorting them out together works far better then bypass the other and let someone else clean up the mess. It also is better to talk directly towards each other (with or without a mediator) just to prevent misunderstanding and miscommunication. Otherwise you'll get the problem of hear say because you tell your story to one person, this person tells another person who has to tell you what is being said. Chance is big that by the time you get the message, this message is distorted and not the correct representation of what is actually being told. The effect is: getting even more angry with each other and eventually ending up hating and disliking each other and mutual hurt.
When I got home I, after this phone call, I sat down in front of the Gohonzon and chanted for more then 1 hour. Just to trying to get rid of my anger and hurt. Also I tried to understand why this person acted like this by not even being clear to me or trying to talk to me directly, avoiding unnecessary hurt, anger, pain and gossip and thus slandering. The only thing I ever wanted was friendship, not a relationship! Having already a very sweet (Indian) girlfriend, the last thing I want is to betray this girl! Also trying to encouraging this member and showing that I will be there if needed, together with WD seniors if necessary, was the only thing I tried to do. It was never my intention to being alone with this member.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being friends outside the organization while being also members of the same organization and practicing within the same organization together. I think that going out for a drink outside an official activity and socializing never hurts.
NMHRK
André
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Livin' on a prayer
It's remarkable what can happen once you take a ferm determination on a seemly impossible goal and you start doing daimoku for it.
Last Thursday I had a meeting with 2 YMD members and a YWD member, who is on the March 16th action committee, about what we could do as a cultural act on this festival that is being organized. She encouraged us to really chant for a "impossible" goal for march 16 and to chant for the success of the March 16 festival on March 15 at the conservatorium at the Hague.
Now, after a few days of very powerful daimoku, I found out at the website of the IND (Immigration an Naturalization Department red.)that there is a opportunity for my girlfriend to come to the Netherlands again. Since she has a Ma degree that is also certified by Fontys Tilburg, as a part of the Erasmus Mondus project SEN with as participating universities Roehamton, London; Fontys applied sciences university, Tilburg and Charles university at Prague. So I strongly advised her to apply, since i am convinced that she qualifies for this arrangement. She has nothing to loose, only to gain. I can not other explain then this is a gift from Gohonzon for her.
Now it's also time for my other goals such as going back to work in one form of another, finding a suitable house for Kosen Rufu and for my girlfriend and me and receiving my Omimori Gohonzon ( travel gohonzon which is a miniature verion of the gohonzon red.) on February 15, 2009. So I have a lot of daimoku still ahead till that time.
NMHRK
André
Last Thursday I had a meeting with 2 YMD members and a YWD member, who is on the March 16th action committee, about what we could do as a cultural act on this festival that is being organized. She encouraged us to really chant for a "impossible" goal for march 16 and to chant for the success of the March 16 festival on March 15 at the conservatorium at the Hague.
Now, after a few days of very powerful daimoku, I found out at the website of the IND (Immigration an Naturalization Department red.)that there is a opportunity for my girlfriend to come to the Netherlands again. Since she has a Ma degree that is also certified by Fontys Tilburg, as a part of the Erasmus Mondus project SEN with as participating universities Roehamton, London; Fontys applied sciences university, Tilburg and Charles university at Prague. So I strongly advised her to apply, since i am convinced that she qualifies for this arrangement. She has nothing to loose, only to gain. I can not other explain then this is a gift from Gohonzon for her.
Now it's also time for my other goals such as going back to work in one form of another, finding a suitable house for Kosen Rufu and for my girlfriend and me and receiving my Omimori Gohonzon ( travel gohonzon which is a miniature verion of the gohonzon red.) on February 15, 2009. So I have a lot of daimoku still ahead till that time.
NMHRK
André
Thursday, January 8, 2009
New years day
A new year,time for new determinations.
On January 2nd 2009 I've received a message through my regional leader, who went to Japan to follow the Dutch training course in December, from President Ikeda. The message was the following:"I have received you letter and I have read it. I will do Daimoku for you. Signed, Daisaku Ikeda, president of SGI".
When my regional leader called me to tell me this, i was really moved that Ikeda Sensei sent this message on his birthday to me. At that moment tears rolled from my eyes from gratitude. I really feel a deep connection with Ikeda Sensei now. To me, it really give me a moral boost that president Ikeda sent me this message on his birthday. Also according to my regional leader it's very special to receive a message on Sensei's birthday.
If it comes to my determinations for this year, I really want to accomplish at least that I'll find a house or apartment for Kosen Rufu, get my girlfriend to live together with me and marry her and at least 3 new Gohonzons in my district. Further I want to accomplish also the determinations I've made last year.
André
On January 2nd 2009 I've received a message through my regional leader, who went to Japan to follow the Dutch training course in December, from President Ikeda. The message was the following:"I have received you letter and I have read it. I will do Daimoku for you. Signed, Daisaku Ikeda, president of SGI".
When my regional leader called me to tell me this, i was really moved that Ikeda Sensei sent this message on his birthday to me. At that moment tears rolled from my eyes from gratitude. I really feel a deep connection with Ikeda Sensei now. To me, it really give me a moral boost that president Ikeda sent me this message on his birthday. Also according to my regional leader it's very special to receive a message on Sensei's birthday.
If it comes to my determinations for this year, I really want to accomplish at least that I'll find a house or apartment for Kosen Rufu, get my girlfriend to live together with me and marry her and at least 3 new Gohonzons in my district. Further I want to accomplish also the determinations I've made last year.
André
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