I just don't know what to do with myself

Since a few days I learned that the neurologist can't do anything for me. He thought that my migraine is caused due to some sort of psychological stress. So he has sent me to the psychiatrist. This was both a relieve as that i made me very sad. Why? Because I got afraid that after some 6 years I might have another depression. I sleep badly, feel bad and so on.
Last night my girlfriend called me,like she knew that something was wrong with me. She encouraged me by referring to one of the letters of Nichiren Daishonin (gosho). It was the gosho "The difficulty of sustaining faith". Just hearing her voice and hearing her reading out loud this gosho made me cry. At first, because I felt I failed in my life. But after a while talking with her these tears became tears of joy. It made me realize how much she cares about me and how much she must love me. She is a really sweet girl.
She also encouraged me to get advice from one of the seniors in faith, like Mr. Kotera or one of the other seniors about this. She also remembered me that I have a gohonzon and that i should pray in front of it to use it as a means to overcome my problems before October 20th. To be honest, I was so low that I didn't even thought about that. Yes, even I can get into state of hell.
Anyways,for the next few weeks I have a daunting task.
Greetings,
André

Breaktru

Last week I got a breakthrough in my life. Actually, it were 2 breakthroughs.
First I was told by my job coach that my waiting time for a decant house or apartment was shortened by half a year. So by March of next year I should be able to finally move and for seconds, I learned that I will receive a Omimori Gohonzon. This is a small (travel) version of the Gohonzon (this is a mandala on which Nichiren Daishonin inscribed the essence of all life which is Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo).
For both things I was chanting for the last few years and to be honest, I almost forgot about it. Hopefully this also means that I get rit of my migraine attacks soon. I want to go to India by the end of this year and hopefully marry the girl I love. So I have to finish my Daimoku sheet fast and hopefully i can do another one before the prises of the airline tickets go ballistic. So I want to fulfill all of my targets and goals of this year. I just hope and pray that I find enough resources (money)to be able to fly to India. Also I pray very honestly that I can work some "overtime" on my free time. It is a means to finance the ticket.
Also I have a real struggle to keep of of the cigarettes these days. I promised my girl not to smoke but sometimes I just feel the urge to smoke. Especially when I feel stressed or under Pressure. These are times I really want a smoke. So it's very hard for my from time to time. If you ask me, it is better in these times besides chanting to give in to that urge and smoke a cigarette. I know it's a bad habit and it's unhealthy but it beats chemical medication to make you relax, which has from all things nicotine in it to relax you!!!
So I just keep praying that i can stay of the cigarettes which is very difficult. So far I failed on many occasions. But hey, I'm only human!!!
Stay healthy and take care for now
André