For those who already read my last blog entry of Wednesday February 4th 2009.
Many of you read my blog often and already know that I NEVER intended to hurt others. The only reason I wrote this blog was, that it was a very negative experience and that I had the feeling that this also happens to other members.
Anyhow, on this blogpage are many personal experiences of me, both good and bad ones. I only write and publicize them as an encouragment and as a way of expressing myself. Let me state it clear to you all, the last blog entry wasn't meant as a complaint but merely an expression of how I felt about it. This also means that, since the Netherands has freedom of speech, if i want to, I can write over whatever I want. Even if this means writing over my own feelings, worries and what's bordering me. So from time to time there are some negative experiences on this blog and from time to time there are positive experiences on this blog as well. It's just a representational of my life. Nothing more and nothing less.
Still if feel sorry for those who feel offended by what I wrote in my last blog.
André
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
When we don't talk.
Last night I got a telephone call from my regional leader of SGI. He called me because he was informed that there could be a problem between me and one of my members and he wanted to know what this problem was.
After telling me what came to his ear, I told him that my intentions where misunderstood by this member and that it never was my intention to feel this person uneasy by what I said or done. That my intentions where pure and that I never would harass anybody. After having said this to him, he told me that certain "stories" where circulating about me. Of course he never mentioned which stories these are.
I know which sort of stories are circulating about me, let me very clear about these stories, most if not all, aren't true or just from hear say. This also means that these stories going to lead their own life! Let me also clear about the following, being confronted with these stories through means of a third or fourth person who doesn't know exactly what or when is plain slander and an act of a coward!
Rather then acting this way, it would be better to have a dialogue with me in person between the person who has a problem with the way I am and me. I don't mind having a third person present as a sort of mediator. It is far better in this way than when you have to hear and being told not to have contact by a more senior leader! The chance that you find a satisfactory solution for both parties involved is far better then getting told to not contact the other party except for official SGI business.
Knowing by experience that chanting together to overcome a mutual problem or problems and sorting them out together works far better then bypass the other and let someone else clean up the mess. It also is better to talk directly towards each other (with or without a mediator) just to prevent misunderstanding and miscommunication. Otherwise you'll get the problem of hear say because you tell your story to one person, this person tells another person who has to tell you what is being said. Chance is big that by the time you get the message, this message is distorted and not the correct representation of what is actually being told. The effect is: getting even more angry with each other and eventually ending up hating and disliking each other and mutual hurt.
When I got home I, after this phone call, I sat down in front of the Gohonzon and chanted for more then 1 hour. Just to trying to get rid of my anger and hurt. Also I tried to understand why this person acted like this by not even being clear to me or trying to talk to me directly, avoiding unnecessary hurt, anger, pain and gossip and thus slandering. The only thing I ever wanted was friendship, not a relationship! Having already a very sweet (Indian) girlfriend, the last thing I want is to betray this girl! Also trying to encouraging this member and showing that I will be there if needed, together with WD seniors if necessary, was the only thing I tried to do. It was never my intention to being alone with this member.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being friends outside the organization while being also members of the same organization and practicing within the same organization together. I think that going out for a drink outside an official activity and socializing never hurts.
NMHRK
André
After telling me what came to his ear, I told him that my intentions where misunderstood by this member and that it never was my intention to feel this person uneasy by what I said or done. That my intentions where pure and that I never would harass anybody. After having said this to him, he told me that certain "stories" where circulating about me. Of course he never mentioned which stories these are.
I know which sort of stories are circulating about me, let me very clear about these stories, most if not all, aren't true or just from hear say. This also means that these stories going to lead their own life! Let me also clear about the following, being confronted with these stories through means of a third or fourth person who doesn't know exactly what or when is plain slander and an act of a coward!
Rather then acting this way, it would be better to have a dialogue with me in person between the person who has a problem with the way I am and me. I don't mind having a third person present as a sort of mediator. It is far better in this way than when you have to hear and being told not to have contact by a more senior leader! The chance that you find a satisfactory solution for both parties involved is far better then getting told to not contact the other party except for official SGI business.
Knowing by experience that chanting together to overcome a mutual problem or problems and sorting them out together works far better then bypass the other and let someone else clean up the mess. It also is better to talk directly towards each other (with or without a mediator) just to prevent misunderstanding and miscommunication. Otherwise you'll get the problem of hear say because you tell your story to one person, this person tells another person who has to tell you what is being said. Chance is big that by the time you get the message, this message is distorted and not the correct representation of what is actually being told. The effect is: getting even more angry with each other and eventually ending up hating and disliking each other and mutual hurt.
When I got home I, after this phone call, I sat down in front of the Gohonzon and chanted for more then 1 hour. Just to trying to get rid of my anger and hurt. Also I tried to understand why this person acted like this by not even being clear to me or trying to talk to me directly, avoiding unnecessary hurt, anger, pain and gossip and thus slandering. The only thing I ever wanted was friendship, not a relationship! Having already a very sweet (Indian) girlfriend, the last thing I want is to betray this girl! Also trying to encouraging this member and showing that I will be there if needed, together with WD seniors if necessary, was the only thing I tried to do. It was never my intention to being alone with this member.
In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being friends outside the organization while being also members of the same organization and practicing within the same organization together. I think that going out for a drink outside an official activity and socializing never hurts.
NMHRK
André
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