When we don't talk.

Last night I got a telephone call from my regional leader of SGI. He called me because he was informed that there could be a problem between me and one of my members and he wanted to know what this problem was.

After telling me what came to his ear, I told him that my intentions where misunderstood by this member and that it never was my intention to feel this person uneasy by what I said or done. That my intentions where pure and that I never would harass anybody. After having said this to him, he told me that certain "stories" where circulating about me. Of course he never mentioned which stories these are.

I know which sort of stories are circulating about me, let me very clear about these stories, most if not all, aren't true or just from hear say. This also means that these stories going to lead their own life! Let me also clear about the following, being confronted with these stories through means of a third or fourth person who doesn't know exactly what or when is plain slander and an act of a coward!

Rather then acting this way, it would be better to have a dialogue with me in person between the person who has a problem with the way I am and me. I don't mind having a third person present as a sort of mediator. It is far better in this way than when you have to hear and being told not to have contact by a more senior leader! The chance that you find a satisfactory solution for both parties involved is far better then getting told to not contact the other party except for official SGI business.

Knowing by experience that chanting together to overcome a mutual problem or problems and sorting them out together works far better then bypass the other and let someone else clean up the mess. It also is better to talk directly towards each other (with or without a mediator) just to prevent misunderstanding and miscommunication. Otherwise you'll get the problem of hear say because you tell your story to one person, this person tells another person who has to tell you what is being said. Chance is big that by the time you get the message, this message is distorted and not the correct representation of what is actually being told. The effect is: getting even more angry with each other and eventually ending up hating and disliking each other and mutual hurt.

When I got home I, after this phone call, I sat down in front of the Gohonzon and chanted for more then 1 hour. Just to trying to get rid of my anger and hurt. Also I tried to understand why this person acted like this by not even being clear to me or trying to talk to me directly, avoiding unnecessary hurt, anger, pain and gossip and thus slandering. The only thing I ever wanted was friendship, not a relationship! Having already a very sweet (Indian) girlfriend, the last thing I want is to betray this girl! Also trying to encouraging this member and showing that I will be there if needed, together with WD seniors if necessary, was the only thing I tried to do. It was never my intention to being alone with this member.

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being friends outside the organization while being also members of the same organization and practicing within the same organization together. I think that going out for a drink outside an official activity and socializing never hurts.
NMHRK
André

Livin' on a prayer

It's remarkable what can happen once you take a ferm determination on a seemly impossible goal and you start doing daimoku for it.

Last Thursday I had a meeting with 2 YMD members and a YWD member, who is on the March 16th action committee, about what we could do as a cultural act on this festival that is being organized. She encouraged us to really chant for a "impossible" goal for march 16 and to chant for the success of the March 16 festival on March 15 at the conservatorium at the Hague.

Now, after a few days of very powerful daimoku, I found out at the website of the IND (Immigration an Naturalization Department red.)that there is a opportunity for my girlfriend to come to the Netherlands again. Since she has a Ma degree that is also certified by Fontys Tilburg, as a part of the Erasmus Mondus project SEN with as participating universities Roehamton, London; Fontys applied sciences university, Tilburg and Charles university at Prague. So I strongly advised her to apply, since i am convinced that she qualifies for this arrangement. She has nothing to loose, only to gain. I can not other explain then this is a gift from Gohonzon for her.

Now it's also time for my other goals such as going back to work in one form of another, finding a suitable house for Kosen Rufu and for my girlfriend and me and receiving my Omimori Gohonzon ( travel gohonzon which is a miniature verion of the gohonzon red.) on February 15, 2009. So I have a lot of daimoku still ahead till that time.

NMHRK
André

New years day

A new year,time for new determinations.

On January 2nd 2009 I've received a message through my regional leader, who went to Japan to follow the Dutch training course in December, from President Ikeda. The message was the following:"I have received you letter and I have read it. I will do Daimoku for you. Signed, Daisaku Ikeda, president of SGI".

When my regional leader called me to tell me this, i was really moved that Ikeda Sensei sent this message on his birthday to me. At that moment tears rolled from my eyes from gratitude. I really feel a deep connection with Ikeda Sensei now. To me, it really give me a moral boost that president Ikeda sent me this message on his birthday. Also according to my regional leader it's very special to receive a message on Sensei's birthday.

If it comes to my determinations for this year, I really want to accomplish at least that I'll find a house or apartment for Kosen Rufu, get my girlfriend to live together with me and marry her and at least 3 new Gohonzons in my district. Further I want to accomplish also the determinations I've made last year.

André

I just don't know what to do with myself

Since a few days I learned that the neurologist can't do anything for me. He thought that my migraine is caused due to some sort of psychological stress. So he has sent me to the psychiatrist. This was both a relieve as that i made me very sad. Why? Because I got afraid that after some 6 years I might have another depression. I sleep badly, feel bad and so on.
Last night my girlfriend called me,like she knew that something was wrong with me. She encouraged me by referring to one of the letters of Nichiren Daishonin (gosho). It was the gosho "The difficulty of sustaining faith". Just hearing her voice and hearing her reading out loud this gosho made me cry. At first, because I felt I failed in my life. But after a while talking with her these tears became tears of joy. It made me realize how much she cares about me and how much she must love me. She is a really sweet girl.
She also encouraged me to get advice from one of the seniors in faith, like Mr. Kotera or one of the other seniors about this. She also remembered me that I have a gohonzon and that i should pray in front of it to use it as a means to overcome my problems before October 20th. To be honest, I was so low that I didn't even thought about that. Yes, even I can get into state of hell.
Anyways,for the next few weeks I have a daunting task.
Greetings,
André

Breaktru

Last week I got a breakthrough in my life. Actually, it were 2 breakthroughs.
First I was told by my job coach that my waiting time for a decant house or apartment was shortened by half a year. So by March of next year I should be able to finally move and for seconds, I learned that I will receive a Omimori Gohonzon. This is a small (travel) version of the Gohonzon (this is a mandala on which Nichiren Daishonin inscribed the essence of all life which is Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo).
For both things I was chanting for the last few years and to be honest, I almost forgot about it. Hopefully this also means that I get rit of my migraine attacks soon. I want to go to India by the end of this year and hopefully marry the girl I love. So I have to finish my Daimoku sheet fast and hopefully i can do another one before the prises of the airline tickets go ballistic. So I want to fulfill all of my targets and goals of this year. I just hope and pray that I find enough resources (money)to be able to fly to India. Also I pray very honestly that I can work some "overtime" on my free time. It is a means to finance the ticket.
Also I have a real struggle to keep of of the cigarettes these days. I promised my girl not to smoke but sometimes I just feel the urge to smoke. Especially when I feel stressed or under Pressure. These are times I really want a smoke. So it's very hard for my from time to time. If you ask me, it is better in these times besides chanting to give in to that urge and smoke a cigarette. I know it's a bad habit and it's unhealthy but it beats chemical medication to make you relax, which has from all things nicotine in it to relax you!!!
So I just keep praying that i can stay of the cigarettes which is very difficult. So far I failed on many occasions. But hey, I'm only human!!!
Stay healthy and take care for now
André

All the answers

For the last few days or weeks I feel very tense, restless and sleep very badly. I guess it comes through living in this house now for over 6 years. 6 Years of living in 2 very small rooms (7 m2 per room) starts taking its toll. Also having to put up with all the nonsense and still ongoing battle between the 2 newbies (Frenchies) and the rest of the residents finally shows off its bad results on me. For the details on that story, just read my last entry before this one.

The more I chant for peace and quiete in the house, the more intense the battles becomes. Even trying to having open dialogue amongst all of us without the landlord isn't possible with them at the moment. How much we (my other house mates and me) try, they just turn and walk away. So what to do when the other party is refusing dialogue to solve problems? Chanting for their happiness was the advice I got, but that is not enough. Especially when my work starts suffering under this small war. Only positive thing about is, that our landlord finally decided to have a negotiation talk with all of us.That will take place this Wednesday.

Like president Daisaku Ikeda once mentioned; "Only through having an open dialogue we can overcome our differences." I believe he is right in this.Without reasoning and open dialogue to overcome once differences, the only alternative left is destruction, grief and pain. This is under all circumstances not an option, I believe. By having dialogue you are able to understand each other. I really hope that the mediation of the landlord will have to desired effect we all want. Especially those who where already living here in the house before the newbies arrived. So lets wait and see what will happening the next days.

André

Friends will be friends

Since my last blog, a lot has happened in my life. After announcing at a combined Young men's and Men's meeting that I decided to be a Keibi at our National Cultural center for the next 5 years, I learned that the Keibi group was due to disbandment. Off course I heared this as a rumor earlier, but still it came as a shock to me that this actual happened. Especially because the weekend that I was Keibi and I heared this terrible news, I was celebrating my anniversary of being 5 years Keibi.

The reason that was given for the decision of disbandon the Keibi group was, that we had to less Keibis anymore and that most tasks forfilled by the Keibi group could be also done by the Byakuren and Sokahans. These tasks were manning the desk and answering the phone, opening and closing of the butsudan in the main Butsuma and providing secrity services during the weekends without any regards wether or not there was a course going on or not. Also another reason was that the fire department didn't clear the building for overnight stays of groups any longer.

That Sunday our national Womens Division leader came to me and asked me how I felt, so I told her. When she learned that I was 5 years Keibi, she asked me what I wished to most for except for the continuation of the Keibi group. I answered that it must be an omimori (travel) gohonzon. I also told her that I expressed this request to the secretary of SGI Netherlands, since he is also the keeper of our Cultural Center. She promised that she would make a plea for my wish to be granted, because in her opinion I had deserved one for my relentless efforts as a Keibi over the last 5 years. This story will be continued....

Then there is my ongoing struggle with the migraine attacks I've having. After a small period of not having any, I start suffering again from migraine attacks. Part due to stress in my personal life, part of having to proof myself again at my work. Then there is the fact that my neurologist can't seem any defined reason why I have these Migraine attacks. So I got new medication again which I have to try.

The personal stress is caused by some new guys who start living in the house I live in now. It's a kind of student house for working people. These guys are French and just don't want to adjust to the other inhabitants of the house. When they moved in, they complained the same evening about the noisiness in the house and they demanded that it would be quiet at 21.30 hrs. And this is still an ongoing battle ever since. I call it a battle, because the rest of us respect the house rules as put down by the landlord but they keep looking for reasons to complain. It makes for me very difficult to practice properly. I think most of the readers who are SGI members know how difficult the relation is between the French government and SGI France.

Since a few months I'm no longer the only practitioner of the Buddhism of Nichiren Daishonin. One of my house mates started also chanting. He is a German who at first was only interested and decided to try. He is my shakabuku and when possible we try to chant from time to time to together. So this is also becoming a bit more difficult because of the complains of these French guys. Till now we tried talking with them but till now without any result. It's very difficult to keep a dialogue going when the other party don't want to.

Then I learned last week that one of my Internet SGI friends suddenly passed away. This friend lived in West-Hollywood and wrote scrips for movies, television programs and was writing a screen play. She used to encourage me from time to time and showed me how to deal with various issues in life and the coherency with SGI Buddhism. I'm sure,knowing her, that she is discussing with Toda Sensei about the Gosho and Buddhism. She was a true Boddhistava of theearth. I'm sure that with me, a lot of SGI-USA members will miss her.
NMHRK, NMHRK, NMHRK,
André