Since a few days I learned that the neurologist can't do anything for me. He thought that my migraine is caused due to some sort of psychological stress. So he has sent me to the psychiatrist. This was both a relieve as that i made me very sad. Why? Because I got afraid that after some 6 years I might have another depression. I sleep badly, feel bad and so on.
Last night my girlfriend called me,like she knew that something was wrong with me. She encouraged me by referring to one of the letters of Nichiren Daishonin (gosho). It was the gosho "The difficulty of sustaining faith". Just hearing her voice and hearing her reading out loud this gosho made me cry. At first, because I felt I failed in my life. But after a while talking with her these tears became tears of joy. It made me realize how much she cares about me and how much she must love me. She is a really sweet girl.
She also encouraged me to get advice from one of the seniors in faith, like Mr. Kotera or one of the other seniors about this. She also remembered me that I have a gohonzon and that i should pray in front of it to use it as a means to overcome my problems before October 20th. To be honest, I was so low that I didn't even thought about that. Yes, even I can get into state of hell.
Anyways,for the next few weeks I have a daunting task.
Greetings,
André
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